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It’s one of those problems no one wants to talk about. Something only discussed at food conferences or other gatherings in quiet side conversations. No names, please, whatever you do, is the request at the end of the discussions. 

 

The problem? Raw milk as a lever in child custody cases stemming from divorce of other split-ups. Most typically, the going gets rough as the disagreements over property, and recriminations over emotional stuff, mount over the months and years of acrimony.  There may have been disputes over diet preceding the split-up, with one spouse ridiculing the other’s “wacko” diet preferences, which include raw milk. Custody may even have been settled, but in the execution, one spouse feels shortchanged. 

 

Whatever the final trigger, one parent threatens to accuse the other of being an unfit parent….because he or she serves the children raw milk. The children are being endangered, goes the argument. The accusing parent’s hope is that judges, already on edge that they might be blamed for yet another case of child abuse, will fall for the fear-mongering, and go along with the twisted logic. 

 

I know of parents being thrown for such a loop by the threat that they have made concessions of one sort or another that they might not otherwise have made. Moderated desires on child education or visitation. Reduced property demands. Given up some amount of alimony or child support. 

 

Why would any parent committed to serving their children good food give in to such a threat? Because they know the threat isn’t an entirely empty one. Not only have they seen judges from Maine to California rule against farmers on raw milk and raw milk cheese, but these parents have seen children taken from their parents on what seem to be fabricated charges. The most notorious of such cases occurred in Massachusetts, when Boston Children’s Hospital put teenager Julia Pelletier in the custody of the state when her parents objected to the hospital’s approach to treating their child, and went to move her to a different hospital. And I know of at least one case in which a judge ruled as part of a custody agreement that one parent couldn’t serve raw milk when the child was in that parent’s custody. 

 

I find the whole thing repulsive. But, then, I find contentious child custody conflicts very difficult to comprehend. As much as spouses may hate each other, the one thing they should be able to do, in my view, is the best they can by their children. To resort to the nuclear raw milk option seems only to serve the larger purpose of eroding food rights further than they have been. 

 

I can appreciate if there are genuine disagreements within families about food. These are not uncommon even in families without serious marital issues. Generally, the best approach is compromise of some kind. When it comes to raw milk, it may be that the best way to satisfy one parent’s anxiety is to serve only raw milk kefir instead of fluid raw milk. Or to serve pasteurized milk that hasn’t been homogenized. Or to hold off on serving raw milk to children until they reach a certain age, like 6 or 7. 


The point is that families can usually work these issues out in a spirit of what’s best for the children. Using raw milk as the basis of threats against another parent seems about as low as one can go.